Sorry

I imagine you're ego is bruised.
Guess you shouldn't gamble with something you don't want to lose.

Today I found that I was far more interested in laying in the grass than in the things my generally daily grind had to offer. And conveniently enough the stars aligned in such away as to afford me such luxury.

This is going to be a long week. This is going to be a tough week. My vision is blurry, cloudy. It's always tough to focus on the important things in times like these.

It's tough to recall why the "important things" are the "important things".
It's tough to wonder why my definition of "important" can so quickly and radically alter.

I don't have time to waste on wasting time. What is going to give here?

Calendar

Time it takes to get to know someone on the most minimal of levels. One year.
Time it takes to get to know someone before they get to meet your siblings. 6 months.
Time it takes to get to know someone before they get to meet your parents. 16 months.
Time it takes getting bothered by someone before you actually spend any planned, non-required time with them. 4 months.
Time it takes getting bothered by someone before you actually spend any planned, non-reqiured time alone with them. 6 months.
Time it takes before you appear before someone without frills, makeup adjustments, or an unplanned wardrobe. 6 months.

Time spent fearing getting close to someone and creating rules about never allowing it. eternity.

LOL

Dear Diary

Should I do it? Should I write about my day like you're supposed to in a diary?
I don't really know if you'll like what you'll find.
I don't really know if I'll like what I'll find.
I don't really know if I care.

So it started at 4:44am when my "sleep cycle"  tone entitled Belfast Park rang the alarm that I had rolled over in bed and begun the plunge toward the top of my cyclical resting time. Did you follow that? It's quite a mouthful.

I promptly rolled over again and carried on.

At 7:45 I woke with the bittersweet realization that I had in fact, rolled over again and carried on. At this point, I was 45 minutes late to my first appointment of the day.

Let's pause there momentarily and dissect the word appointment because why not.
The way I like to think of it, and let me tell you I have no idea if this is actually the breakdown, is that you are pointing, with your index finger, at a time of your day and saying "YOU! 3pm!! YOU are the time at which I will do THIS!".

To my defense, I hadn't checked into my full size (not even queen. I don't even get queen!) bed until 12:45am so I desperately earned that extra few hours.

I'm already exhausted writing only this much, and I haven't even walked you through the adventure I explored in the bathroom after waking. I can't do it. I can't write about my day like a normal girl. Maybe you can have highlights. Or lowlights. Or one appointment at a time. There's just SO much intricacy. So much detail. Every sensation is noticed, notated, memorized, recorded and often scarred, seared or branded in.

At this moment I am exhausted.

possession of value

They are sheer and thick gold scissors kept in the muddy bottom of a makeup bag.
They were taken away to be washed, as if someone was trying to be helpful.

what they didn't know was what they were actually taking away from me....

I'd really like some day to be the kind of person that people look at and think...
"She's just not from this planet, is she?"

The kind of person who speaks, and when the listener hears the words and how lusciously rare & potent they are, for a split second, forgets to string the words together and catch the message.

I'd like to wear any sort of article of clothing and look totally the intentional.

I'd like to be so well travelled that you can just tell that I'm so well travelled.

I'd like to know how to pronounce everything on the menu, and select a suitable wine accompaniment.

I'd like to be brave, and I'd like to be calm.
I guess I'd like to be happy, mostly.