Good Read

I'd like to recommend the book "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" by Jonathan Safran Foer to those of you who enjoy a book that you need to read 5+ times in order to get every bit, dog ear page after page to re-read moments that you loved, and cry---then laugh---then wonder---then laugh again (while crying). It's deep. Real deep.

A few quotes that I dog-eared I've shared below. I'm excited to see what else Foer will come out with.

"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living"

"You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness."

"It's the tragedy of loving, you can't love anything more than something you miss."

"Just because you're an atheist, that doesn't mean you wouldn't love for things to have reasons for why they are."

"I felt suddenly shy. I was not used to shy. I was used to shame. Shyness is when you turn your head away from something you want. Shame is when you turn your head away from something you do not want."

"Being with him made my brain quiet. I didn't have to invent a thing."

"The secret was a hole in the middle of me that every happy thing fell into."

"I tried the key in all the doors, even though he said he didn't recognize it. It's not that I didn't trust him, becuase I did. It's that at the end of my search I wanted to be able to say: I don't know how I could have tried harder."

Life is Beautiful

Photo Credit: Leighann Kowalsky, All Rights Reserved

Alright, so. Here's my little list of reasons why life is spontaneous and wonderful, and when you choose to, it can really light things up at the best (worst?) times. Two violently beautiful events have occured so far this morning, and its only 11:23am.

Twiddling thumbs, on hold waiting for the Bank in the United Kingdom to pull me off hold and help me! My phone is ringing off the hook, and I just need one simple exchange rate number to get me back on track "doing" for the day. Elevator music is singing softly in my ear. Then I hear those first two notes....Recognition overcomes instantaneously. My favorite Debussy song starts playing in my ear, whispering sweetly too me how life certainly has a sense of humor. I feel my shoulders loosen up a bit and I close my eyes, melting into the piano notes ringing through the phone line. Love it.

This song seems to find itself in my life quite often - it's last visitation was close if not equally as romantic. Prepping for a master class with Keith Saunders, director of Harlem Ballet Theater, vastly out of my league in the studio at Jacob's Pillow Dance Festival, and the pianist lays down those first two notes. Shoulders relax, eyes close, life is beautiful.

I rant.

OK- so I think I've solved this whole 'massive influx of young divorces' thing. If you'd like to give me a million dollars for my wisdom, my bank details are as follows.

Average marital age is between 18-25 years.

In the last few months, experience has led me to believe that each individual goes through a certain change in their life, aroundabout the age of 25. (give or take maturity). Quarter Life Crisis? Yes, hello! Well if people are getting married at 18? What happens when they change at 25, and your partner changes at 25, and the people you've become don't like each other any more? Or even if you marry at 27, but your buddy hasn't yet grown into the person they'll be the rest of their life, and when he does at 28, you hate him?

I believe that in order to love someone purely and endlessly, you must not necessarily love yourself, but know yourself. An awareness of flaws, beliefs and ideas. Know your weaknesses, and I'm not even saying you have to embrace them! Just know.

Think

Photo Property of Leighann Kowalsky. All Rights Reserved.

This evening I spent 75 minutes in a lecture hall discussing whether or not LIFE could be found elsewhere, beyond our earth. First of all, how unbelievably loaded is that question?

What constitutes life? What is proof? Etc.

Needless to say it quickly and momentarily became a philosophy class. (just before it turned into an argumentative debate, thank you Bryan)

Beyond opinions, proof, faith, life, definitions and formulas there is an attribute that every mind must take into consideration. Every human being has an unbelievably intricate brain that processes information in an unbelievably different way. Each of us has had a life's worth of experience that forms our opinions, ideals and morals, and each of us draws from that experience unconsciously.

This is all well and good; quite lovely and phenomenal, actually.

What gets me is when I can hear the Discovery Channel Narrator talking, and not the 20-something college student. So few young people draw their own conclusions. It is disheartening to see brilliant minds just spitting back out precisely what their parent told them at the dinner table, without first digesting that information, putting it to the test and questioning it's likelihood based on one's own experience. This is the very definition of a creative mind! Original thinking!
Take every thought captive. Process, question, and for goodness sake think for yourself!

Kids Say the "Darndest" Things

Every weekday morning, I rise at 5:30AM and drive a fifteen year old girl to school. Let's not talk about why, as you will slowly learn that I don't exactly think or operate on the same level as most.

The dialogue between us generally fluxuates daily between simple complaints of her fellow classmates or teachers, and more serious, innovative thoughts. I adore the latter conversations. She is so insightful for her age, and has actually been raised to be very aware and knowledgeable of the world around her. Today's topic? Awkward.

According to "Google Definitions" (yea yea yea, I've got an old Webster's at home I promise --- I'm not completely part of the technology generation, thank you.) the very first entry for awkward is as follows: causing inconvenience. Now among other definitions such as "lacking grace or skill in manner or movement or performance", "hard to deal with; especially causing pain or embarrassment", or "socially uncomfortable; unsure and constrained in manner", I think the first encapsulates.

Now she came out very bluntly and said decidedly: "Is it strange if I'm awkward on purpose sometimes?" And together, we discussed why not. Here's our synopsis:

An awkward moment or situation doesn't have to be NEGATIVE, and it's nature is directly determined by the person(s) involved. It could easily be an ice breaker or a conversation starter; a moment to put everyone back on the same level of hierarchy. It's all determined by the person(s) reaction. If my fifteen year old were to trip and land on her face in front of the whole school, she could choose to be scarred for life from that awkward moment. The key is, instead, to get up and laugh at yourself.

Renovations

I've never renovated a room before. I've never even re-finished furniture before. But I'm currently mid-process in renovations of 'ma chambre' and am finding it difficult in ways I hadn't expected.

Painting of walls, rearranging of furniture and disposal of unnecessary clutter are actually the least of my trials. I have found that the bedroom is a bit of a look at the owner's soul as well. Whether they keep it neat and clean, frayed and cluttered, the color of the walls? Is the bed made? It all tells a bit about the dweller.

Well frankly, mine was a mess.

The paint on the walls had been there for 10+ years. It was never kept clean, with piles of piles in the corners. Not enough hangers to keep clothes in the closet at all times, and not enough shelf space to keep books off the floor -- not to mention the bed was NEVER made.

Of course this post has to get theoretical at some point, right? Well buckle your seatbelt. I'm growing up. And my bedroom is a reflection of that. I'm taking control, sweeping out the old -- literally scraping the scum off the walls--and applying a finish that I have chosen, and that I like. Directly relative to the paths I'm choosing in life, It's my choice, and I'll have to live with it.

(So of course as I paint-thinner the crap out of my walls I'm internally cleaning out my secret place as well --- everyone thinks I'm crazy for the amount of tears spent in painting my room.)

Character Development

Photo Credit: Leighann Kowalsky. All Rights Reserved.
Nearly every English 101 class will teach you the basics about Character Development; probably in regard to the way a character changes, transforms or just simply becomes more familiar throughout the literary work or film.

Recently, I've been working on developing a character for my own work. Her name is Tara, and she has an entire poster board of a web-chart defining parts of her life: traits, favorite things, catch phrases and silly thoughts.

I feel like Tara was born, and is growing up right before my eyes. I believe this is the most literal form of character development that an author or artist can witness, and I personally have never had quite so much fun with it before! I feel as though I am an actress about to play the roll of "Tara", and in order to do so properly I must know her every experience. The mind-blowing thing is that I created Tara, like an imaginary friend she is so real and so fake.