My heart is tired

From falling in love

Over and over and over.

 

my skin is red and raw

from the many fingerprints that have graced it.

I’m simultaneously pushing away

As I am being held close.

 

My head is tired

From falling in love

Over and over and over.

It's a hard floor to land on.

Crowded House

Let it go
Get it off
Send it away

“Love is more than blind. It’s brain-dead.” 
― Ellen Hopkins, Tricks

_

“You were a summer gift, one I'll always treasure. You were a dream I never wanted to wake up from. You opened my eyes to things I'll never really see. You're the best thing that will ever happen to me.” 
― Ellen Hopkins, Crank

I keep re-living as much of that night as a I can
for fear it will fall from my faint and fleeting memory.

And so I will spend one year

preparing for you.

why can't I recall any tiny thing more
than thick hands and a few thick kisses

the distinct force behind being one of restrained anger
of deeply rooted fear

and so
it has become my life's best mission to melt you down
make you stay
make you feel safe.

?

How'd you get such big hands?

waking up

How intoxicating
the scent of my skin
after a night spent
wrapped in the grasp
of a man who's shape
I'm only just beginning to learn.

|_

Many will call me an adventurer, and that I am...only one of a different sort: one who risks his skin to prove his truths.

 

 

Ernesto Guevara

Long Term Relationship With Myself

So I’m in a long term relationship with myself.

 

And I’m finding that I’m noticing things around me, people around me, in a different way.

I’m learning to be a friend, and learning about friendship.

 

I’m learning to value things differently; time, energy, rest.

 

I’m learning about how to measure the worth of things seen and unseen.

 

It’s always a learning curve, isn’t it?

But most of all, as I’m fostering this long term relationship with myself,

I’m diving deep into the depths of my soul. My heart my mind.

I’m learning who I am, and what I want.

And that way, should someone come along, I’ll know it.

And I’ll be ready.