Habits

Sure, five years without riding a bike can feel like no time gone by at all once you get back into that seat. Same with alot of things; cooking, cleaning, crafts and habits.

With people, unfortunately, things just don't happen the same way.

I spent nearly every evening for two years with a boy who smelled like leather and horses. My dad and grandfather smelled like leather and horses. Talk about home sweet home. Although not entirely involved in a romantic sense, there was certainly "feelings" present beyond our best-friendship. We were eachothers, and I hoped it'd last. He's the first person, and only person I've met that I could call for anything, anytime; whether a shoulder to cry on or to help change a tire, and OH how I loved that security blanket.

After a strange falling out based on mis-communication and a jealous third party, we didn't speak for just over 2 years. And upon a hesitant reuniting recently, we found ourselves falling back into the same patterns that we had so lovingly relished in previously.

It was so easy to give my heart back over. To feel protected and secure again. To drink up the idea that my best friend was back, and we could retreat back to OUR time in OUR life.

Then he disappeared again. Poof, out of nothing. I thought I was the only one who could disappear out of someones life without so much as a trace. And there I was left standing once again, i felt like a 4 year old crying on the back porch in my nightgown. Gone.

I can jump back on a bike and ride no problem, sure. But you can't jump back into a friendship. or a relationship. or any sort of emotionally charged situation and not expect flaw. The two years spent apart? We walked away, with our backs facing eachother, and when I turned around two years later, nobody was there.