Death

Oooh. The title of this post even has a spookier-than-usual twang to it. I guess it's just because I happen to be surrounded by the haunting monster that is death lately. After having written death as a "haunting monster" I don't want to backspace, but I do rescind that statement. It's only a haunting monster if you're not ready for it. More on that later.

Anyone who pays attention to, or pays attention to someone who pays attention to someone who watches the news can tell you there have been some eerie group deaths among birds and fish. One friend of mine stated "Birds and Fish...yeah, but the humans are actually doing pretty well!" I tend to disagree. In the last week, here's my list:

My grandmother, Anna Satoris.
My mothers best friend's brother.
My Time Warner Cable rep's sister in law.
My good friend Mons' grandfather.
My co-worker's Great Grandmother
My co-worker's Uncle.
My other co-worker's grandfather.
Lady-At-The-Gym-With-Cute-Shirt's undefined relative.

Granted 7 is no 1000 fish, but isn't a human life of slightly more worth? And why are they all so close to me?

A few months ago a family friend died of Cancer. She was in her 50's, with two children who both recently were married. Lived a good life, but deserved to live even longer. Upon her death, the envy I felt of her was unnerving. I was I jealous of someone dying? How cynical is that? After some self-observing and self-questioning and all of that inner-thinking business, I came to the conclusion that I was tired. I was tired, and somehow satisfied with life already. Or rather, complacent. (Figured that feeling out- and accepted it; since overcoming the envy of death by discovering how much of the world I have yet to discover.)

Despite my minor accomplishment in understanding feelings regarding death, there are still questions. The rant I'm on lately is that of the world simply being desensitized to death. My sister and I both have yet to cry over my grandmothers' death. She lived with us for 6+ years. Practically raised us. But to me at least, she died years ago. Her mind has been deteriorating, and I've already accepted her death..before it even happened. This disgusts me! It's selfish to want to mourn quickly and move on. What about honor? and celebration of her life? It's also disgustingly modern to be moving quickly about anything at all. Do we really appreciate life anymore?

More on this, I'm sure.