Funny Things

It's kind of funny. Kind of ironic.

We get on this extended constancy of adrenaline in a situation and we just feel so resilient.

Emotions are nothing, physicality is nothing, you are just riding the wave and enjoying it all the while.

Then the wave curls and crashes and slurps up in it's foam and luster, and down you go.

All the emotions that you've been unknowingly repressing, and all the effects on your body all hit you at once. You're not invincible, resilience cannot be constant.

A good friend of mine told me that if you hold too many hands, you won't feel the hand in yours anymore.

I'm so tired, my strength in resiliency has warn thin. It's been years and years of not letting go. Masking, capping, pretending; and ya know what? He was absolutely right. I don't even feel the breathe on my neck anymore. What I do feel, is warn out, and empty. I've given so many little pieces of myself up trying to protect the whole. It's not until after the fact that that physics and mathematics of it all set in. Guess what? We are just parts that make up a whole.

And that's how it is. Little pieces of me...scattered all over the place. And you can't get them back which makes it even worse, I countered what I was trying to accomplish in the first place.

In fact, I cannot bend without breaking. Resilience is on a timer, and I'm not invincible. I'm not incapable, I'm many pieces of a whole, and I cannot keep pretending.

Remember that change I knew was coming?

Bam.